After 3 weeks … I am fine.  I admit to getting a little down once in a while.  I was over with Chris yesterday and I was looking at him and listening to him and a moment of clarity came over me.  After Ken and I broke up I was talking to his ex-wife and that moment of clarity hit me then also.  The Clarity is “This was never going to work”  What the hell was I thinking.   Towards the end of both relationships… I found myself Trying to conform to what they wanted me to be.  I will never do that again.  It took 2 times to learn this but I finally did.  I am me..  Take me the way I am or Fuck off.   I love both of these men.  I Really Love Ken and he is a great friend now.  I will grow to love Chris more later.  I was reading a thing on his computer that described his “Dream Man”.  It reminded me of a little 6th grade girl.. in love with a boy.. scribbling his name all over her notebook.   It kind of made me sick.  Hence… the moment of Clarity.  Although..  I did have about 75% of the qualities he wanted…  Go figure?

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